At the hair salon.
For years, my mother visited the beauty salon in Amherst to
“get her hair done.” Occasionally, she even
toted five kids when tired of giving the home perm or snip of the bangs.
Mom, like every woman, had always been concerned about her
hair. She hadn’t inherited the long, flowing black locks of many Italian
beauties. Her hair was brown, I think. Her
strands were thin and straight, I think.
She pursued salon treatments and home solutions so often, I don’t have
an exact recollection of her official hair color and style.
Many times, she descended to the bathroom in the basement,
where wafts of coloring dye and perm solution rose up from the steps. She appeared hours later, her hair sporting a
color different or shape from when she had descended.
If Mom arrived home from the salon, and one of us gave her a
compliment, she was quick to note, “Oh, the curls are too tight.” Or, “Its too
dark a shade of brown.” If the weather
was rainy, Mom covered her head in a black or red or gray nylon scarf and asked
my father to drop her at the door. Dad
complained, but always obliged.
When I hear, “Oh, my hair,” I can still conjure up Mom’s
voice in my head.
Hair was a consistent topic of conversation in our household,
in particular when there were four girls fighting over the bathroom
mirror. In our second family home, the
kid’s bath was strategically designed for two mirrors, hence cutting in half
the time the bathroom would be occupied by a girl. The intent was solid. The
strategy failed. However, my mother did succeed
in keeping us out of her bathroom and away from her mirror.
Mom’s hair gradually turned towards lighter shades of gray,
interspersed with threads of white. When
dementia finally took charge of her mind, she no longer took charge of her
hair. Days went by before she washed her hair. Or, her hair remained matted in
place with Adorn hairspray, which I thought had no longer been manufactured,
but perhaps my father had found a stash on the back shelves of Drug Mart.
Mom, in her dementia, still makes comments about hair. Only now,
they are directed at my coif and me. Mom’s statements are usually derisive, but
she is only returning the favor of oh so long ago, when one of her children
taunted about her changing hair color and style to match the times and her
moods.
In Mom’s care home, a wonderful woman named Carol arrives
twice weekly, to wash, cut, color, curl the thinning, fading hair of the
residents, mostly women. However,
Carol’s challenge is somewhat different than her former days as a stylist. Her
clients now abhor the water. When once, women
might have tilted their hair and sighed at the rush of warm water running through
their scalps, now these residents fear water, as a baby might, forgetful, or
unknowing of its power to cleanse and heal.
Once a month, I ask caregivers to ensure Mom “gets her hair
done.” I usually call in my request on a
Monday or Tuesday, after visiting with Mom on a Sunday and noting her needs. Last Sunday, I was out of town. So, I visited
with Mom on Tuesday, and asked for the favor. The caregiver on duty said Carol would fit Mom in that day.
Mom and I decided to stroll the corridors and check out what
was happening in the community room. We came upon Carol waiting outside of her
salon with her list of appointments. She
suggested taking Mom then. Heavy sigh. I had hoped to skip that portion of my visit
with full knowledge of Mom’s distaste for the exercise she once considered a
luxury.
I directed Mom into the salon chair with assistance from another
staff member. When we attempted to release
the chair back, Mom’s shrieking began.
“No, don’t do that to me!”
“Its Ok, Mom, just hold my hand.” But she yanked her hand away from mine.
“Now, just wait a minute,” she kept screaming.
At once, caregivers from down the hall came running to the
salon. “I knew it was our Jeanie Beanie,” a few of them noted,
using one of her many nicknames given to her lovingly.
I sat back as caregiver after staff member encouraged Mom to
lean back in the chair.
Mom repeatedly shifted from happy to frustrated state, calling
out, “No. You’re not going to the do that to me.” And pointed her finger, her
mighty, mighty index finger at – me. Yes, this was once again my fault.
Mom yelled like a little child with water dripping down her
eyes, as if Johnson’s Baby Shampoo had never invented the slogan, No more tears.
Carol stood in the background. “I’m sure happy you’re here
today, she usually gets mad at me.”
And I was thinking, This
is the last place I want to be.
Carol and I eventually gave up on the notion of running
water through Mom’s hair. Carol would have to perform her duties the
old-fashioned way, by hand. We raised the chair back up and Mom appeared
content.
I reached out to hold her hand. “Well, Mom, this is revenge
for when you scrubbed our scalp and held our heads over the stationary sink, you
know, pouring hot water from the measuring cup.”
Plus, I always thought Mom had over-applied Tame conditioner to
my hair, but I left the past in the past.
Mom began to laugh, a high-pitched laugh and the remaining
staff and caregivers moved on. Soon, H., another resident came along. H. loved
Etta James. Carol and I both encouraged H. to sing At Last, which in turn,
motivated Mom to sing.
We all began listening to a little Frank Sinatra, Carol
amazed by how his voice, the words calmed Mom.
Mom sat patient, while the stylist and I had frank discussions
around music and how more of it should be brought into the lives of the
residents. She listened along, adding her two cents. “That’s right.” Or “How
bout that?”
Mom belted out a few phrases, always completing the last lines of the song. I glanced away from Carol and back to Mom, imagining her as a
thirty-year-old Italian beauty, dancing in Cedar Point’s Grand Ballroom,
waiting to meet a man while Tommy Dorsey’s band played.
Carol put the finishing touches on Mom’s hair using a little
aerosol hairspray - for old times sake.
Mom squealed again and grabbed a towel to hold over her eyes, smashing
the front portion of her styled locks.
The activities director offered to take a photo but Mom was restless as my dog when it came to pictures. She never liked having her photo taken.
“Oh, what are you doing with that damn thing,” she stated,
grabbing at my smartphone.
“Remembering how beautiful you are,” I said, smiling.
She pushed me aside and walked on.
Ah, Mom could still exact revenge over me, any day.
Ah, Mom could still exact revenge over me, any day.
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