I was raised in the shoe family of Januzzi's Shoes. The ditty on the radio in the 80's went something like this: "All over the street, to happy feet. Get your shoozies at Januzzi's."

For some, they put on their writer's hat. For me, I wear my writer's shoes.


Thursday, February 28, 2013

Two Sacraments


Dear Girl Afraid of Water

Why did you scream
when your mother tossed you
in the bath, washed your hair
over plastic tubs?
Did you think
she would let you drown?

Why did you yell,
poolside at the Y,
fearful of jumping
where others were already
buoyed by their skill?
Was it senseless to think
you could float
because only Jesus did,
and you always questioned Him?

And when you took to water
gills and fins grown,
did you call out,
those cool summer dawns
at the public pool?
Did your mother watch, from steel fence
through endless laps
of crawl, breast, back and side,
inflated jeans and flannel shirts?
Did you squeal treading in the deep?

And in Oregon, when rain and wind
poured violently into the sea,
were you afraid
of what would churn forth?

Was it a baptism you felt
over and again,
a chance to come clean
of all your sins – living and dead?

2/21/13




Reconciliation


When God puts you in timeout,
it is not punishment –
to be sent
to the corner of HIs tent.
No frown forms across
His countenance,

expecting confession from the deep,
but rather
an acknowledgment –
You are there
to be forgiven
if only you embrace
this dusty corner created.

There is no stool, no wall,
no pock marks filled with putty
from toasters sailing wide.
Instead tent sides billow
with breeze and light.

He has put away
the wooden spoon, the belt,
soap for your mouth.
You will not be silenced,
nor will silence be judged.

In this bend
He has set aside
lightning, plagues, and floods,
removed bitterness and anger,
and the knife from your back.

He has set forth knowledge
flowing freely as flaps on the tent –
how to forgive yourself.

2/27/2012





Saturday, February 23, 2013

Pilgrim Souls at 1419


The two of us paused for a long while in the kitchen, marveling at the marble backsplash.   We hadn’t been alone in that space, just the two, in the two years we had undertaken the venture of reconstructing this beauty. We had always been accompanied by builders, plumbers, guests, and yes, ghosts.

Hungry and ready to try out a new restaurant only four doors down, I finally broke the overwhelming silence. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” I shouted, wanting to put my voice in this space.

The home had been built in the 1870s, and consisted of three floors plus a basement. Italianate in design, it boasted no plumbing, electric, windows or stair rails, only wood floors in disrepair, a newspaper report on natural disasters from 1980s hanging in the basement, and a sprinkle of imagination and heart.

The bones of the home had been visible from the beginning. But new windows now let in new light. A kitchen had been built from the ground up. Someone (me, not servants) would cook in here again.  Children would sleep in the upstairs quarters.  A lively game of chess might break out in the front room - we are still pondering its name. Parlor? Salon?

Whereas once a family of seven, husband, wife, three daughters, two sons, occupied this home, when the move is complete, this house will be empty in the traditional sense of the word “nest”.

To the consternation of our builder and possibly the flooring crew, we chose to have the hardwood floors refinished. The floors are pine, and after staining, have a dark red hue to them.  There are plenty of gauges, scrapes, scratches, each that could tell a story.  We wanted to let the house breathe through these openings, a way of letting life back in.

And too, the builders were sure to shake their heads at the wallpaper remains that I asked them to preserve. They did so placing Hefty bags and painters tape over the paper through many months of restoration. Then one day, the bags were removed, the wallpaper remnants appeared within dark rustic frames, under looking glass. Layers of existence preserved next to the outlet for cable TV.

A fireplace surround was rescued, a limestone hearth held on fast too.  A newel post found in a scrap heap became the cornerstone for the stairs, a way of anchoring the past. A handrail was handcrafted with precision and love.  Plaster molding was meticulously restored, inches at a time.  In two rooms, the rear entry and my office, we kept brick exposed.  We had been counseled that, the original owner held a place in society and would not have left brick exposed. Laying bare the brick was our way allowing others who had called this home to also have their position duly noted.

A debate raged on for months about painting the exterior brick and limestone details.  No one was convinced one way or the other.  But painting proved to be the fresh coat this lady needed.  The highlight of the ornate limestone doorway is the face of the man who I have named Oscar, after one of the children who first lived there.  Red and white diamond shaped marble tiles were methodically removed from the front stoop.  I had watched the contractor number and remove each piece, to be locked away, then cleaned and placed on the stoop again, sidled up next to scraps of carrarra marble tile.

There is light everywhere now, not just where we could once shine our flashlight and imagine. But Thomas Edison and God light, mixing in to create this wondrous piece of work we will call home.

I say too much now, giving away the character of home, when one must truly experience it with us, through our eyes, our pictures from two years ago, taken before paint replaced must as the predominant smell.

At a recent appointment, someone who had grown accustomed to hearing my stories about OTR and its resurgence called me a travel agent for OTR.   Later in the day, a poem I found and spent my afternoon walk trying to memorize speaks of the “pilgrim soul” (WB Yeats – When You Are Old).

As travel agents, of course, we want to share with others the potential that living in the city has to offer, or for that matter, experiencing the city. Not everyone has to live in it. 

I rather like the Yeats comparison better.  We have set off for a new shore with this undertaking and will certainly find ourselves navigating new waters while our children are colonizing other worlds. Only the two of us know the moments that came before this, the ones that spurred us forward, the ones that will not grace our doorstep but through memory.

And only the two of us, having captained this vessel, can foresee that here, we will also have many moments of what Yeats penned as glad grace.


Valentine’s Day, 2013.



Friday, February 15, 2013

Stages - A Triology

So good to be writing again.  Life comes to us in stages, as do poems.



What I Hear

Bedside with you in Hospice,
I reach into my bag
retrieve stale pretzels, dog-eared notes,
an essay about you, the gardener.

Three pages long,
I am almost through.
You are blinking, groaning.
Children interrupt.

How much of my writing
did you ever read?
Children now bedside too,
You lift up your hand.
Do you want me to stop?

You mumble. I wrinkle
my forehead, unable to discern.
Children relay, He says,
I love you.

A blanket I love you
encompassing me now,
warmth for my journey.
You always wanted to be
the subject of my words.

And when words
do not turn into writing,
I hear
your whispered plea -
to go on,
go on.

July, 2012



Divergence

Driving through West Virginia,
the Appalachian Trail miles from sight.
I am blinded by blue skies,
do not see mountains or rest stops.

I only see you,
or your side,
while I sat between
you and Mom, making trips
through ranges and rain.

Howard Johnson's and Days Inn
now in my rear view mirror,
as are you.

I miss the glint of sun
shining off your watch as the dawn
struck and woke us all,
the bitter scent of aftershave,
your Cuban-dark arms,
Mom frantic over the wrong turn,
reading the Triptik,
hieroglyphics learned.

Necco wafers had long gone stale,
though you kept them
like a treasure trove.
Some slept, I followed the map,
needed a path,
the one you were driving.

Robert Frost forgive me, for the road less traveled
is not the one I want to be on.

But I am. Long stretches,
interspersed by tunnels, and suffocating silence.
I’m no expert map reader
but isn't it better to be lost?

Isn't that why you drove, to separate
from the bickering, the snoring, and chewing,
the curlers, the snacks, the books?
Isn't better to know who you are, than where?

August, 2012


 
Running Errands


The girl in me sits by your side.
The road is bumpy.
You curse county commissioners
up and down Tower Boulevard.

We stop in order – shoe store, post office,
Grandpa’s on Chris Avenue, hoping for cannolis.

At last
we arrive at Willow Hardware.
You park the Surburban -
a car rising higher than feet can touch.
I tumble out

and swing the doors to Willow wide open.
You follow me.
But then
we drift

I gravitate towards a buzzing,
the sweet scent of sawdust my nectar.
Someone is building something.

You turn towards the garden supplies, stepping
over green rubber hose.
You are seeking the shelf full
of twine, sentries wrapped in cardboard rolls.
You were raising something too.

The tomatoes, their stalks needed
staking and prodding,
a firm grip to grow
and birth
juicy bulbous fruit.

On our errands, we were building something –

What was it – a treasure chest for your wisdom,
a box to capture the girl in me,

or being of like hearts,
an understanding between us two?

February, 2013